At a Loss

One of my downfalls is that I like to be in control of my life instead of just allowing it to happen. Sometimes it's a good thing but usually it's a lot of undue stress. When I was nine I took a photo of a wedding dress out of a magazine and kept it until I was twenty-five. I always believed that I would find my soulmate and I did and waited until I was thirty-four to get married. I truly believed with all my being that I would be married until death. Again, it goes back to that not being in control of the situation or of someone else. 2009 has been the roughest year of my life and crying has become a daily norm. I have never had a broken heart until now- nor did I believe that I ever would. When I commit there is no question for me- you do what is necessary to be together. The hard part comes when the love of your life doesn't feel the same. So the daily struggle now is to forgive and move forward instead of living in the past. Memories are dangerous things that trap us in what use to be instead of what is.