Ginny

I miss my Ginny.  It's that simple.  She had a huge presence for such a little dog. I was lucky to have her for the time I did and will be forever grateful for her. 

It has been a while since my last blog.  Life has been just that- life.  I look back at the last few months and am thankful for the experiences I have had and thankful for my friends and family.  I look forward to spending some time with my little brother and his family this summer and am thankful for everyday I have my girls.  Ginny's eyes are worse but we deal on a daily basis.  She's happy, loving and thankfully still with me.  Gracie got to see her grandma last month so she's a happy camper.  Crossfit training continues to kick my butt (paying to hurt on a daily basis is INSANITY) and I am back to making some jewelry again- I haven't had the creative urge in over a year, so that's a welcome change. I am slowly getting back to myself.  I would say my "old self" but she doesn't exist anymore and that's not such a bad thing.

Spring is in the air...and Miss Gracie is so ready to be outside all the time!  Both girls are doing well and are looking forward to showing off their new digs this weekend. The realization there is always going to be something to do on the house is a bit overhelming but Ms. Ginny has the floor plan memorized by her nightlites and is not running into walls. The girls definately seem to enjoy the house and the "retirement village" it is sitting in.  My neighbors have deemed it such. I am one of the youngest residents in the neighborhood.  It doesn't bother me and Gracie loves the attention she gets on her walks.

You gotta have friends...

It's kind of funny when you look back and realize who has been with you through the years and who hasn't...funny after-the-fact.  Friends are wonderful people to have around.  Some people are better at being one than others.  Sometimes they are meant to be in our lives for a short time while some we can never get rid of.  There are friends who are only around when there is drama and those who steer clear of it.  There are friends who like to be casual and there are those who are in-depth with their friendship.  Sometimes they fit into your puzzle of life and sometimes they don't.  I choose to think there is a reason someone has entered your life and there is always something to be learned. Today people choose to use tweeting, emailing, texting etc. to connect with friends.  Whatever happened to writng a letter to a friend who doesn't live near?  What happened to in-depth discussions with your best girlfriend instead of texting each other?  Are we all "too busy" in life to put forth the effort anymore? 

Sometimes a pillow and blankie are needed...

As either of my girls can tell you, a pillow and blankie are all they need to "maintain."  Both are doing well and are not really enjoying all the snow.  Ginny gets lost in it and Gracie has lost patience with it.

2010 has begun with difficulties, but everyone has them it's just how you deal with them.  It is easier for me to just stay in with the girls (some would say anitsocial).  I think it's easier to figure things out quietly rather than talk about it...I get tired of hearing myself and really who wants to be around a sad person- I mean really!  Time is good to put things in perspective and to figure out what the priorities are.  When it comes down to it, Ginny & Gracie are right- sometimes you just need a pillow and blankie to make things right.

How the week goes....

"Love only comes once in a while
Knocks on your door and leaves you a smile.
It takes every breath, leaves every scar.
Speaks to your soul, and sings to your heart.

If I knew then, what I know now..."

So How Are You?

When you're eight years old the world is your oyster.  Life is good.  No worries really. At eight I was a goof- still am somewhat today.  That goofiness, sense of humor or whatever you want to call it has gotten me through a lot.  It still sustains me. I was asked today if the house was done and then how I was doing.  "Yes," I said to the house and then I paused and really didn't know what to say.  And for those who know me, yes, that is hard to believe. I am in a holding pattern for now.  The realization of a relationship, the finality of a remodel and the big gulp of change being shoved down my throat is too much sometimes.  So I keep going- being thankful for what I have- family, friends, the girls, a career and the intelligence to appreciate all of them.

My Challenge to You!!

No matter how many things go wrong or don't work out as planned, I just tell myself "It could always be worse."  When I see people on a daily basis who are homeless, who can't pay their bills, who have no one to care for them, who don't have coats, who are taken advantage of, who don't have a sound mind, who are sick and can't afford to see a doctor, who are lost in our system, who don't believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny because their life has been terribly miserable by age five, my problems are minimal.  I challenge everyone reading this to step up and help out any way you can.  Whether that is serving a meal at a shelter, making sure kids have coats, volunteering at an animal shelter, donating your time and not just your money to make sure people are taken care of and NEVER SETTLING to hear "That's just the way it is..." as an answer to some of these problems.  GET INVOLVED!!!  This is my challenge to you- ignorance is not bliss and ignoring problems only allows them to exist.

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays to everyone!  Work continues on the house- now I am just down to the little things which is really nice.  Hopefully I will be in by January 4th, at least that's the plan.  Ginny continues to defy the odds.  Her kidneys are okay, but her liver has suffered due to required medications.  She is still her perky self, she just takes more naps.  Thanks to everyone's well wishes for the monkey.

A Dog's Tale

 Here is an update on the girls. Ginny's one eye is better, the other got worse and required another medication.  Along with that, I am waiting to hear if her kidneys are failing her now. The little monkey can't catch a break lately. Meanwhile, Ms. Gracie made an appearance at the police Christmas party where she wowed the crowd with her tricks and good behavior (even when the baby pulled her hair).  She trumped Santa with the kids! Can you tell I love my girls?

Blessings

It was relayed to me this week by the vet that Ms. Ginny would not be a candidate for an eye removal if it came to that...her right eye worsened over last weekend but her left eye responded to the medicine. That was the nice way of the vet telling me there would be nothing they could do if the new medicine didn't work. The thought of loosing Ginny breaks my heart, but I don't want her to be in pain or to suffer just so I have her around. I refuse to give up hope that she will improve and I think she refuses too. She is my little blessing.

Unconditional Love

I always had pets around as a kid. Once out of college I decided that I needed to be a pet owner so to the pound I went. Two cats and two dogs later, I find it quite interesting how attached I have become to my animals. Is it because I don't have kids? Am I just an animal lover? Or is it the ability to help animals escape from the shelter? The more I think about it it's none of those. They give unconditional love- very simple I guess. My Ginny was diagnosed with glaucoma yesterday and the vet says she would be unable to go through surgery if needed due to her heart condition. Unfortunately my contractor took the emotional brunt of that news (he had bad timing yesterday). But my mother pointed out that Ginny is a fighter- she was abused, starved to bones, battles a heart condition, allergies, blindness and arthritis daily but she is the sweetest soul on Earth. So I will continue to fight for my Ginny as long as she is a happy girl and not suffering. If everyone gave the type of love Ginny gives, what a great world it would be.

It's Always Something

Life is about the journey, not the end destination. Often I allow the "little things" to build up and become mountains instead of the molehills they are. As my life has changed considerably this past year, I try and see the good and learn from what I am experiencing- wisdom doesn't just happen after all. There is a reason for everything that happens- I just don't always see it at the time. Hindsight becomes 20/20 though. No one's life is perfect nor should it be. There is always going to be something to work on or towards, but I can appreciate the moment now.

At a Loss

One of my downfalls is that I like to be in control of my life instead of just allowing it to happen. Sometimes it's a good thing but usually it's a lot of undue stress. When I was nine I took a photo of a wedding dress out of a magazine and kept it until I was twenty-five. I always believed that I would find my soulmate and I did and waited until I was thirty-four to get married. I truly believed with all my being that I would be married until death. Again, it goes back to that not being in control of the situation or of someone else. 2009 has been the roughest year of my life and crying has become a daily norm. I have never had a broken heart until now- nor did I believe that I ever would. When I commit there is no question for me- you do what is necessary to be together. The hard part comes when the love of your life doesn't feel the same. So the daily struggle now is to forgive and move forward instead of living in the past. Memories are dangerous things that trap us in what use to be instead of what is.

My girl Gracie informed me yesterday she was tired of being ignored in my blog and was not going to stand for it anymore. So therefore, I am sorry Graciepooh! You were my first dog and remain my constant companion always ready to "go" wherever mom takes you. I love you!

REDOING

This past weekend the "Wallpaper Mafia" came to visit my 1978 house. Velvet wallpaper and brown paneling were apparently the rage then...not so much now. This group of people graciously volunteered to take down four rooms of wallpaper and help demo a kitchen. They worked for 8 hours and saved me about two weeks worth of work. I am forever grateful to them and while I absolutely hate wallpaper and brown paneling, their company and gesture outweighed my hatred for 70's decor. Thank you ladies and gentleman!!

The Monkey

Usually I try to find the "gift" in what I have been given whether good or bad. Sometimes I fail at that. Three ladies went out of their way this past weekend to get Ginny (my monkey) a blanket with her namesake on it. Yes, Ginny is a dog, but she acted so much like a monkey when I got her that the nickname stuck. The blanket of course meant more to me than to the Monkey, but the gift- which wasn't the blanket- but the gesture and thoughtfulness of these ladies, reminded me to look past my nose.

New Beginnings- whether wanted or not

While I realize that life sometimes deals us a crappy hand, I have been reminded this week no matter what comes my way, I still go on. I have been redoing a house (which I hope to be my last) after work everyday which was built in 1978 and has lovely velvet wall paper (I hate wallpaper!). And as frustration was mounting while powerwashing a patio covered in 30 years of grime, it struck me how lucky I was to be able to be powerwashing the patio of a house soon to be mine. It is easy to get weighed down in the muck and to be unhappy about what life deals us, but I believe there is a gift of knowledge gained about ourselves and the realization of inner strength (which is sometimes forgotten) that we can always be grateful for.

The moment to say "goodbye" to Vinny came last week. It was not expected, but I was totally unprepared. He had been sick for about six months but you would've never known. Vinny was handpicked from a liter the weekend after I graduated from the police academy. His mother was a loving cat and Vinny turned out to be the most awesome cat on the planet. Everyone who met him thought so. The Vinnymeister filled many moments of my life with love and laughter. I will always miss him.

On midnight shift I have a lot of time to think- sometimes too much actually. There aren't many moments that go by that I don't miss my Pop. When I was sitting on the beach last week missing him (he loved the beach and I got to tag along with the grandparents on their beach trips) or when I see something that just reminds me of him- he's always there. Those moments use to make me sad, but I have appreciation for them now because there are those who have never known a grandfather's love and support as I was able to. For that I will be ever greatful.