It's Always Something

Life is about the journey, not the end destination. Often I allow the "little things" to build up and become mountains instead of the molehills they are. As my life has changed considerably this past year, I try and see the good and learn from what I am experiencing- wisdom doesn't just happen after all. There is a reason for everything that happens- I just don't always see it at the time. Hindsight becomes 20/20 though. No one's life is perfect nor should it be. There is always going to be something to work on or towards, but I can appreciate the moment now.

At a Loss

One of my downfalls is that I like to be in control of my life instead of just allowing it to happen. Sometimes it's a good thing but usually it's a lot of undue stress. When I was nine I took a photo of a wedding dress out of a magazine and kept it until I was twenty-five. I always believed that I would find my soulmate and I did and waited until I was thirty-four to get married. I truly believed with all my being that I would be married until death. Again, it goes back to that not being in control of the situation or of someone else. 2009 has been the roughest year of my life and crying has become a daily norm. I have never had a broken heart until now- nor did I believe that I ever would. When I commit there is no question for me- you do what is necessary to be together. The hard part comes when the love of your life doesn't feel the same. So the daily struggle now is to forgive and move forward instead of living in the past. Memories are dangerous things that trap us in what use to be instead of what is.

My girl Gracie informed me yesterday she was tired of being ignored in my blog and was not going to stand for it anymore. So therefore, I am sorry Graciepooh! You were my first dog and remain my constant companion always ready to "go" wherever mom takes you. I love you!

REDOING

This past weekend the "Wallpaper Mafia" came to visit my 1978 house. Velvet wallpaper and brown paneling were apparently the rage then...not so much now. This group of people graciously volunteered to take down four rooms of wallpaper and help demo a kitchen. They worked for 8 hours and saved me about two weeks worth of work. I am forever grateful to them and while I absolutely hate wallpaper and brown paneling, their company and gesture outweighed my hatred for 70's decor. Thank you ladies and gentleman!!

The Monkey

Usually I try to find the "gift" in what I have been given whether good or bad. Sometimes I fail at that. Three ladies went out of their way this past weekend to get Ginny (my monkey) a blanket with her namesake on it. Yes, Ginny is a dog, but she acted so much like a monkey when I got her that the nickname stuck. The blanket of course meant more to me than to the Monkey, but the gift- which wasn't the blanket- but the gesture and thoughtfulness of these ladies, reminded me to look past my nose.

New Beginnings- whether wanted or not

While I realize that life sometimes deals us a crappy hand, I have been reminded this week no matter what comes my way, I still go on. I have been redoing a house (which I hope to be my last) after work everyday which was built in 1978 and has lovely velvet wall paper (I hate wallpaper!). And as frustration was mounting while powerwashing a patio covered in 30 years of grime, it struck me how lucky I was to be able to be powerwashing the patio of a house soon to be mine. It is easy to get weighed down in the muck and to be unhappy about what life deals us, but I believe there is a gift of knowledge gained about ourselves and the realization of inner strength (which is sometimes forgotten) that we can always be grateful for.

The moment to say "goodbye" to Vinny came last week. It was not expected, but I was totally unprepared. He had been sick for about six months but you would've never known. Vinny was handpicked from a liter the weekend after I graduated from the police academy. His mother was a loving cat and Vinny turned out to be the most awesome cat on the planet. Everyone who met him thought so. The Vinnymeister filled many moments of my life with love and laughter. I will always miss him.